February, 2012 

Nicaragua, Almost Not Here

The beach of no return

I came close to dying.  No joke.  I was swimming in the Pacific Ocean west of Leon, Nicaragua being the only guest in a hostel on a very quiet beach.  It was around sunset when the heat was not so intense that i went for a swim.  The owner of the hostel also came out after me to swim but stayed closer to shore.  It was when he went back to the hostel that I realized I was out a little too far.  The sun was going down.  Now I was the only one in the water or on the beach.

I tried to touch the bottom.  Too deep.  So I started to swim in.  After a while I looked to see how much ground I had covered.  None.  Now I started to panic a little.  Don't panic I thought, that won't help anything.  But shit!  The sun is going own and no one is anywhere around!  So I swam again with the waves going toward the beach.  After a while I checked the shore line.  I had gained nothing.  Same place  I wasn't getting anywhere.  So I thought, what now?

About twenty minutes had now passed.  I was starting to get tired as the waves were pounding on me from behind.  I couldn't watch out for them and swim at the same time because it took too much energy.  But I had to because I was swallowing water.  Relax I thought.  I have to reserve as much energy as possible.

A person was running along the beach.  Great!  I'll just yell.  I screamed and waved.  Nothing.  I tried whistling but I couldn't whistle very loud with all the water in my mouth and hands.  I thought maybe I saw someone standing near the palm trees on the beach so I waved and waved the the person didn't move.  It was probably a tree or a bush.  No one saw me or heard me.  I was totally alone.  I had to figure a way to get in by myself.

I thought about my options.  I knew if the hostel owner would miss me, it would take at least an hour or more.  He could then go down the beach to a fisherman who had a wooden boat which would need to get over the large set of waves, and then start searching for me in the dark.  I would have to float for hours and I was getting tired.  It seemed dismal at best.  The waves were taking my energy.

Before I got in the water, I noticed that the current was going a little bit south so I decided to swim south.  I swam changing my strokes to keep my energy up, ducking waves, trying to relax but still I stayed in the same place.  So I tried to swim north.  Same thing.  I knew about rip tides from swimming in San Diego so swimming farther out to sea was a good option, but when you're getting weak and it's getting dark, swimming farther out took more courage than I could muster.

I had heard that we have different exits in our life.  A time when we can choose to leave this plane of reality.  We can choose if we want o move on or live.  So a that moment, I called no, 'No exit!  No exit!  I don't want to leave.  It's not my time.'

That's when an idea came to me.  Be like a surf board.  Imagine yourself on top of the water and glide in.  First try, it didn't seem like I was getting anywhere.  One more try.  Now it seemed like maybe I was moving.  several more tries I was actually covering ground toward the beach.  I could finally touch again!  Of my God, literally, I'm not going to die right now.  Once I was past the last wave, I staggered onto the beach.  I was so grateful to be on dry sand!

I went back to my room, took a shower and thought over what had just happened.  I was very tired and went to be early at 9pm but couldn't sleep.  When something like this happens to you, there is a lot of adrenaline running through your body.

Today is the day after.  I still feel tired and life seems a little surreal.  I have returned to the city from the beach.  No, I didn't go swimming again, I'll leave that for another time.  In my hostel room in Leon with clean sheets and a fan blowing on me, I am happy to be able to write about this and happy to be on this earth.

A post script:  I often swim with a little child's inflatable tube tucked under my swim suit just in case.  I just bought another one.