February, 2012
Nicaragua, Almost Not Here
The beach of no return
I came close to dying. No joke. I was swimming in the Pacific Ocean west of Leon, Nicaragua being the only guest in a hostel on a very quiet beach. It was around sunset when the heat was not so intense that i went for a swim. The owner of the hostel also came out after me to swim but stayed closer to shore. It was when he went back to the hostel that I realized I was out a little too far. The sun was going down. Now I was the only one in the water or on the beach.
I tried to touch the bottom. Too deep. So I started to swim in. After a while I looked to see how much ground I had covered. None. Now I started to panic a little. Don't panic I thought, that won't help anything. But shit! The sun is going own and no one is anywhere around! So I swam again with the waves going toward the beach. After a while I checked the shore line. I had gained nothing. Same place I wasn't getting anywhere. So I thought, what now?
About twenty minutes had now passed. I was starting to get tired as the waves were pounding on me from behind. I couldn't watch out for them and swim at the same time because it took too much energy. But I had to because I was swallowing water. Relax I thought. I have to reserve as much energy as possible.
A person was running along the beach. Great! I'll just yell. I screamed and waved. Nothing. I tried whistling but I couldn't whistle very loud with all the water in my mouth and hands. I thought maybe I saw someone standing near the palm trees on the beach so I waved and waved the the person didn't move. It was probably a tree or a bush. No one saw me or heard me. I was totally alone. I had to figure a way to get in by myself.
I thought about my options. I knew if the hostel owner would miss me, it would take at least an hour or more. He could then go down the beach to a fisherman who had a wooden boat which would need to get over the large set of waves, and then start searching for me in the dark. I would have to float for hours and I was getting tired. It seemed dismal at best. The waves were taking my energy.
Before I got in the water, I noticed that the current was going a little bit south so I decided to swim south. I swam changing my strokes to keep my energy up, ducking waves, trying to relax but still I stayed in the same place. So I tried to swim north. Same thing. I knew about rip tides from swimming in San Diego so swimming farther out to sea was a good option, but when you're getting weak and it's getting dark, swimming farther out took more courage than I could muster.
I had heard that we have different exits in our life. A time when we can choose to leave this plane of reality. We can choose if we want o move on or live. So a that moment, I called no, 'No exit! No exit! I don't want to leave. It's not my time.'
That's when an idea came to me. Be like a surf board. Imagine yourself on top of the water and glide in. First try, it didn't seem like I was getting anywhere. One more try. Now it seemed like maybe I was moving. several more tries I was actually covering ground toward the beach. I could finally touch again! Of my God, literally, I'm not going to die right now. Once I was past the last wave, I staggered onto the beach. I was so grateful to be on dry sand!
I went back to my room, took a shower and thought over what had just happened. I was very tired and went to be early at 9pm but couldn't sleep. When something like this happens to you, there is a lot of adrenaline running through your body.
Today is the day after. I still feel tired and life seems a little surreal. I have returned to the city from the beach. No, I didn't go swimming again, I'll leave that for another time. In my hostel room in Leon with clean sheets and a fan blowing on me, I am happy to be able to write about this and happy to be on this earth.
A post script: I often swim with a little child's inflatable tube tucked under my swim suit just in case. I just bought another one.
A typical dining/living room.
